10 Questions to Ask Yourself if You're in a Serious Relationship
I've been in two serious relationships. These questions are a combination of the mistakes I made the first time around and the lessons I learned the second time around. Go through the questions with a friend you trust or open your journal and get honest! I hope these questions give you permission to grow.
10. Can I be myself?
If you can’t be yourself, he’s not the one. Dating the “cool guy” is over-rated.
9. If I make a boundary, is something at stake?
In high school I dated a guy who wasn’t strong in his faith. I told him I didn’t want to have sex before I was married and he agreed out of respect for me. Well, he went away to college and I got afraid he would have sex with someone else so I caved. My boundary felt like I put my relationship at stake. This is a huge red flag. A serious relationship should reflect the seriousness of your convictions. Flirt to convert never works in the long run.
8. Do I have my own life?
We’ve all either been that girl or know that girl who drops everything to be with her guy. In the wise-words of Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
7. Have I been honest?
Dating relationships are great for strengthening your communication skills—practice voicing your opinion and speaking your truth. If coming to your family dinner is important to you, make that clear. Don’t sit around and wait for him to realize your expectations. It simply won’t happen.
6. Are my priorities healthy?
Again, dating relationships lay the groundwork for a strong marriage. If you don’t know where your priorities lay look at your calendar. Where do you spend the most time? Remember to keep God the center of your life, not your love life.
5. Do my people approve?
As much as it hurts when your bestie confronts you on some ugly truths, listen. Take every comment with a grain of salt but do not ignore your loved one’s warnings. Outsiders offer something crucial—perspective. Sometimes love gets you so head over heels you can’t see what’s in front of you.
4. Am I ready to work?
Okay so you can answer the first 5 well, but is this the person you want to spend a lifetime working alongside? Marriage is work, hard work, and the more work you put in to loving one another the better your relationship. And I’m not talking about manual labor… I mean humbling work on you (the hardest kind). So take a good long hard look at the one you love and ask yourself, “is he worth it?”
3. Can you live without him?
I’m not going where you think I’m going. You WANT to be able to live without him because you won’t always be together. Graduating college may mean moving to different cities, doing long distance, being a stay-at-home mom, or he stays at home and you’re off at work everyday. And there is nothing wrong with that! Being able to live without each other means you’re one another’s biggest fans and you aren’t afraid to let that person shine. This. Is. So. Important. In an age of crippling comparison, you want your spouse to be so on board with what you do. Even if that means he has to make asacrifice.
2. Have I made my intentions clear?
Is this experimental dating or dating to marry? Have you found the one or are you still looking? I know break-ups are hard, but they’re respectful. If you are waiting around to break up with the almost one, wait no longer, and do what you need to do. Nothing bad ever comes from a break-up. If you are madly in love and sure you’ve found the one, don’t be afraid to tell him! He may be waiting to hear that assurance.
1. Am I listening to God’s will?
I’ve saved the most important for last. Maybe you’ve never listened for God’s will? I think God gives us a gut feeling and a certain peace when we’re making the right decisions. Anxiety and fear are never from God so if you’re relationship fuels anxiety take a minute to reflect on why. Are both of you seeking God, praying for your relationship, and coming back with peace? Well then I think that constitutes a green light.