I'm an Addict

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They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well folks, I have a problem. My name is Megan and I’m social mediaholic.

A few days ago I had a thought, “I wish I would’ve capitalized on my proposal.” I got engaged on a big stage. I mean really big stage. (In case you missed it). I remember the night of and the days to follow requests rolling in, websites asking to feature my story, and even being on the news.

As someone who wants to be an author I kick myself now! Why didn’t I write our love story? Why didn’t I make my account public? What changed from the me, then, who wanted to keep our love intimate and personal to the me, now, who regrets the privacy? This year I decided to go all in and chase my dream of becoming an author. Every workshop and conference I have attended tell me I need x amount of subscribers and followers. I don’t have many in the grand scheme of creative people. So right now my dream feels contingent on a lost opportunity.

While we’re being honest I have another confession. I have a stash of pictures of Brian and I that make me think, “when he makes it to the Big Leagues I’m going to insta these.” I mean seriously?!?! When did success and accomplishing a goal equal an Instagram announcement?! Ok I’m not done with the confession portion. I’ve even thought about my one day in the far away future pregnancy announcement. See. I told you. I have a problem.

I only share this in hopes that maybe you can relate. It’s why I need to walk away from social media for a while. Social media is not bad. I think it’s an amazing way to connect with people. But it’s time for me to walk away right now. I have no control or restraint or balance.

Writing that one knockout blog post with the catchy title or posting the scandalous Instagram that will attract followers will not last.Overnight success is not the same as building a legacy of genuine content.  I get sucked into the lie all the time that I won’t get a book deal unless I have thousands of followers. A following is important and it makes sense from a business perspective but I can feel myself staging what will attract most followers instead of what’s genuine.

I’m so glad I didn’t “capitalize” on my proposal. Gosh that would’ve seemed so fake. I do not want to be known simply as the girl who got proposed to after the College World Series. I don’t want to trick myself into thinking lots of followers = success. I don’t want my following to dissipate as soon as those followers get bored with my photos. I want a tribe of friends who I can learn from and grow with.

I am walking away from social media for a bit. It’s important for our soul to listen to the warning signs before we crash. Right now social media is producing two things in me: comparison or judgement. Neither of which bring life.

It’s only been a couple of days sans Instagram and so far I can tell you this. Social Media creates this facade that we are all so connected but it’s a lie. Connecting with my friends means knowing the unfiltered, not-so-picturesque version of their lives.

I can’t regret not capitalizing on my proposal. I can’t use my love as a means to get followers. I want to eat my food before it’s on my snapchat story. I don’t want my relationships to become a means for good content. I know I need to walk away because I keep thinking of excuses to justify staying. I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t already thought about the perfect Instagrammable events I’m attending in the next few weeks. Do you do that too? “I need to but.” 

This isn’t forever. I’m just all or nothing. I need to take it all away and then figure out a boundary that works for my goals as an author and my mental health. If you want to follow along during this social media break subscribe to my blog. I have no doubt I’ll be inspired. It’s time I make some room in my mind for things that bring life.

Tyler Beede will be sharing his part 1 of his story on my blog next so make sure you’re subscribed. You don’t want to miss it!

FaithMegan Miller