The Fastest Way to Stop Resenting Your Man


Brian and I hardly argue. But when we do, it seems like a bottomless pit where I feel really misunderstood. Recently we planned a little date night that went south. He was exhausted from a long day in the sun but knowing I had been cooped up all day he thought I wanted to get out. We weren’t communicating well. It was one of those “I thought you wanted to go out” while I was content staying in but “I thought you wanted to watch basketball” so I just went with his plan. Spring Training is hard because my days seem to revolve around Brian’s schedule and needs. It is easy for me to get frustrated with him because I feel like life is all about Brian and my needs just take a back seat. If I am honest with myself it’s because I am jealous and want it to be all about me.

When I feel disconnected from Brian I immediately go through a highlight reel of the day. All the things I feel like I did for him, the ways I communicated well, and the expectations I had for him… all of them of course went unspoken. I never keep score when we are in sync but the minute we fall into a crazy cycle I am winning about 50-0 and resentment and bitterness well up inside me.

The funny thing about these arguments is the silliest thing will set it off… the way he drives to dinner, his body language when we are walking around the mall, and then I want to explode. So after the most recent episode in the parking lot of Buffalo Wild Wings I decided I needed to do some soul-searching and figure out why I put our marriage through these tiffs! Two hard questions came to mind, “what need am I expecting Brian to fill that only God can” and, “What are the motivations of my heart when I serve my husband?”

See my beloved husband is consistent, patient, gentle, and kind… he is always the same in the best way. I know he loves me with all of his heart. I am the one who goes to crazy town. What insecurity or lie is the enemy using to steal my joy? Where is Jesus in this? Who am I looking at?? I now know in those moments I need to take my eyes of my husband and keep them on my heavenly Father. The moment I feel bitter because it’s “all about Brian” I realize it’s because I want it to be all about me… when really it’s all about Jesus. As wonderful as my husband’s love is.. it will never satisfy. It is unfair to expect Brian to fill the holes in my heart when I know that won’t last when I have an everlasting well I can draw water from anytime I thirst.

John 4:13 & 14 “Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.””

How do you differentiate between the things you can expect from God and the things you can expect from your relationships?  

RelationshipsMegan Miller