8 Things I'd Tell My Newlywed Self

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Brian and I collaborated to bring you these 8. We got married when I was 20 and Brian was 22 so we realllly had no idea what we were doing. We’re coming up on our 3 Year Anniversary, now we’re just kind of new-marrieds? Whatever we are, here are 8 things we’d go back and tell the new Mr. and Mrs. Miller.

1)   Don’t be whom you think the other person needs. 

I am so guilty of becoming someone I’m not to please someone else. Remember—he married you! God chose the two of you to be together so the only way your relationship will work is being exactly who God created you to be! That way, he can be who he was created to be, and you don’t feel think awkward pressure and resentment towards your spouse because you aren’t yourself.  

2)   Sex gets so much better. 

Sorry if you’re reading this mom and dad, I’m a married woman now. Brian and I waited to have sex before we were married so it’s taken us (me) some time to get comfortable and confident in our (my) own skin. There’s something so vulnerable about sex and the more you get to know each other as husband and wife, the better sex gets. So…if you’re wondering “is this really it” or “why isn’t it like I hoped” I promise it gets there.

3)   All of your decisions affect your spouse.

The job you take, the relationships you build, and the way you carry yourself around the house. You can’t just spend a week self-loathing without bringing your spouse down the rabbit hole of moodiness too. Be mindful of the way you impact your spouse and the environment of your home. (Especially when you live in a one-bedroom apartment.)

4) Don't get a puppy.

If you watch  my insta stories you know the story. We had to leave our vacation early to fly back and get our puppy because Hurricane Irma was coming. Instead of extending our trip a week we cut it short 4 days because he was with a pet-sitter and needed rescuing. Would I have left him down in FL? Absolutely not. Would it have been nice to spontaneously stay on vacay with my hubs in our favorite spot? Absolutely yes. Think about spontaneity and your lifestyle--is it really a great decision to get a puppy?

5)   Find like-minded friends.

Find a group of married friends who can support you. If you isolate yourself you’ll go crazy. Be around people who understand your struggles and can laugh about the ridiculous things your spouse does.

 6)   Don’t lose yourself.

Cultivate your passions and purpose. For me, it’s writing and exercise, Brian loves to play rec basketball and serve in the church. A creative outlet keeps you sane. Your relationship is richer when you both have something to bring to the table. Think about ways you can invest in yourself so you can be the best partner you can be.  

7)   You’re on the same team.

The first year of our marriage felt like a war where someone always had to sacrifice. Honestly because I felt misunderstood. Make your needs known, communicate them promptly, and find a middle ground. Always. Brian and I have weekly meetings (sometimes during a car ride or at the dinner table) where we outline exactly what the expectations for the week are and discuss any big decisions we need to make.

9)   HAVE FUN.

People talked about the first year of marriage like a dreaded prison sentence. Looking back I understand it’s not because it’s so bad, it’s that it gets significantly BETTER. Have fun, laugh off the mindless mistakes that come with trial-and-error, and let yourself experience growing pains.