What Happens When You Stop Trying to Fit In


God doesn’t want you to fit it. 

If fitting in is our goal we have to betray ourselves and become like someone else. Think about that… you have to write your own identity and manage the way you’re seen for the approval of the people around you.

And what if the people around you change? Well then jeez you’re working double-time trying to do whatever it takes to learn the new laws of your peeps and follow suit. When is it final, anyway?  That magic moment we’ve finally fit the mold? It’s an intoxicating chase… you try something new, the new friends like it, you then have a little bit more confidence, and it continues.

Relationships built on an image you molded will crumble. You’ll give up, the masks will come down, and you’ll regret the rejection you get from your new friends. How do I know? I’ve done it… more times than I want to admit! It’s the instant gratification that comes quicker than the grueling soul-work of self-love.

So why, then, doesn’t God want us to fit in? Doesn’t he want us to have friends? Doesn’t he want us to feel confidence?

God did not design you for a chase that leaves you exhausted. The only chase He calls us to is after His heart and in that chase we will find rest. (Matthew 11:28)

God wants you to find yourself in Him. That’s the only blueprint we’ve been given as Christians, “So God created mankind in His own image.” (Genesis 1:27) It’s been 20+ years of me wanting a fulfilling purpose, genuine friendships, and confidence. The only place I find it is in God’s word. It’s a deal breaker. Reading the Bible teaches me about God and I find myself in the characters He touched. Peter denying God? Yep I can relate. Paul feeling frustrated with his friends? The woman at the well, so ashamed with her past she’d rather deal with the heat than the dirty looks, me.

But don’t stop there—read on as God responds with love, mercy, and kindness to the people in the Bible. Those are the fruits of the Holy Spirit we reap when we focus on whom God is, not how we measure up. The end to fitting in is the beginning of something better--accepting yourself and believing what God says about you. And the people who stick around? Those are the ones who love you enough to remind you you're enough.

There’s a popular devotional book calling Jesus Calling (we’re talking 10+ MILLION copies sold). I love the devotional because it’s as if God were writing us a daily letter. Try that. Try writing yourself one; let God tell you how much you fit in with Him. Here’s one I wrote for you—

“My beloved, all of those flaws you push down are hand-crafted by the King. All of the ways you’re different, all of your measuring-up and comparison is such a waste of time. I made you for something only you can accomplish, and I need you to trust me. Have patience in the process and don’t let the Internet rush you. You’re so perfect and pleasing in my sight and my will for you is so much more fulfilling than fitting in. I love you.”